it’s been a long time since i’ve got here, i miss it a lot and you guys mostly!
just to say, i’m not posting not because of the hate, but because something really bad happened to me and since then my life has been a mess and i just don’t feel like being here on tumblr yet.
as i trust you and feel comfortable telling you this, that is why: one of my best friends died, like three months ago. on august 3rd, his plane chashed into the ground and he and his family died instantly. i got the news a few hours later, at night, and buried him the next day. this was the worst moment of my entire life and honestly i can’t erase the sensation from inside of me. it was totally unexpected, i never thought i would never see him again, i always thought i would have him forever with me, so i just said “bye, i’ll see you this weekend, if not, on monday, talk to you later.” and i never saw him again, never heard his laugh, never hard his voice, never touched him anymore, and i would give the world to have just one last moment with him and tell him how special he was and how special he made me feel.
you have no idea, how beautiful and how precious he was. no kidding, he was the best person i knew. always with a smile in his face, everything for him was great, and he always made people smile, it was like a talent. he was pure joy, and had such an amazing soul. he brought so much happiness to my life. so many moments i spent with him, and if i could, i would replay them over and over again. i really thought i would never find my way. being without him, isn’t easy, wasn’t easy, and i think it will never be. but i’m getting better, and the bad feelings are flooting away and only the good memories i have about him are staying here with me.
but these things take time, and it’s hard to heal a broken heart, mostly with the loss of a loved one. it’s like a part of me is gone with him, and i’ll never get it back. i guess, i can”t let him go because this part of me, it’s still his and will forever be. i just miss him so much.
i read all you kind and cozy messages, and i certainly can say: you are the best and i’m really happy that you have stucked with me for this long time. thank you so much for all the compliments and all the advices, i couldn’t ask for best, not only followers, but friends!
i only said all of this because i truly believe it would make me feel better, and i trust you guys with all my heart. it’s really hard for me to be telling all of this.
i’ll be back soon :)
lots of love,
what kind of human beings are you? who on earth wishes someone a serious illness like this. you just don’t joke with it. you don’t know what is to suffer because of cancer, unless you have it or someone you love has it. you don’t know what it is like to wake up and don’t know if you’ll get through this day or if it’s going to be the last time you’re gonna see this person. you don’t know what is to go to the hospital and wait 7 hours for a surgery that you don’t know if it’s going to end up well. you don’t know what is to loose pleasure to live or see the one you love losing hope and begging to God to kill them already. you don’t know what is to pray every night and even though you believe in those prayers, you don’t really know what’s going to happen. you don’t know what is to dream to have a family and get married or wish to see your kids grown up and suddenly loose it all. you don’t fucking know it, but i do. someone i love the most has this illness so don’t come to my blog and wish me this. or anyone else. not in awe of me, but the people who are fighting for their lives. you don’t know my story, you don’t even know me, you don’t know what kind of person i am, and judge and wish me things just because of my blog. look at yourself… do you really think you’re better than me? judging me in anon and wishing me things that even the evilest souls don’t deserve? do you know i’m starting up an ong to end with hunger and take people off to streets? do you know i colect soda cans and then trade them for wheelchairs? and you come to my blog and say those horrible things. i don’t answer to hate, i really don’t care, but joking with cancer is sick and i can’t stand it. you say i’m stupid and my blog is stupid but i think the one who is stupid around here is you, wishing and joking around something you should be worried about.
and to the people wishing me cancer, my uncle has it and almost died because of it, and i don’t know if he’ll live a lot longer. hope you’re happy with it.
you know what makes me sad? we humans are so selfish. you know not just you, but me as well. how many times weren’t you upset about not getting what you wanted? or because your mom didn’t buy what you asked for? how many times weren’t you sad because of a silly and dumb thing and you cried for hours because of this? we only want more more and more, and when we get what we want, we find another thing to want. it’s so sad because only a few miles away from you, there’s a kid dying from malaria, there’s a kid who can’t cry because they aren’t even strong enough to do it. it’s sad because it only costs 5£ to save a life and we’re always worring about our problems that isn’t as big as that. so why don’t donate. i swear, it won’t take your time, just a few minutes maybe and you’ll make the different. and you know what i hate more? when people say the boys only went to africa to put a fake image, to be the “good guys”. shut the fuck up. just because you didn’t have the balls to do this, it doens’t mean they didn’t. they are making a change and trying to change these kid’s life so should you. please, pre-order 1D’s cover on iTunes and donate to comic relief here :) save a life!